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Roger's and Holland's feelings.
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| Half a year. |
[09 Aug 2007|10:39pm] |
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sup livejournal? I havent wrote in this thing in a long ass time but im about to now so fuck you. A lot of shit has been going on in my life the past 6ish 7 months. I joined a decent solid band , I met the love of my life. Lately all of that has kind of been letting me down but its okay. Its all a part of life. Music is a huge part of my life. It impacts the way I feel. It knows how to toy with my emotions. Even if I dont like a particular band or sound or whatever their doing, if they have songs that I can relate to in that point in my life, I will love that band. I love the feeling and the adrenaline of playing to a crowd of people. Its like I will never be nervous to play infront of any amount of people, the more people there are the more excited i am and the more i get off on it. Its just a really amazing feeling. I miss my band a lot. We are struggling to find dedicated musicians. But our passion is still there. We will never give up on it. Its what i want i want to do with my life. If i could travel across the country night after night and play to crowds of adoring people, that would be the life. Someday we will do something with it. I promise.
Now, moving on... The other subject of this post is about a girl i met in february named Jessi. Shes a really awesome chick. Before we actually met, we talked here and there over the internet but never actually made it a point to hang out with each other. Well, one day, we actually decided to hang out. I wasnt really expecting anything great to happen. At that point in my life, I had basically lost all hope for actually being really happy with somebody. I basically figured, I would hang out with her for one night or day or just one time in general, then wed talk here and there and just lose contact. The complete opposite happened. Earlier in that day or the day before that(dont remember exactly)I had asked her if she would give me a kiss when we hung out. We were just hanging out doing nothing, and I said something like, "hey, what about that kiss?". Something to that nature, and she gave me a kiss. From that point on, I have been in love with her. Whenever she would kiss me or touch me, she sent shivers down my spine. She made me feel like a whole new person. Almost kind of like i was born again. Lately, we have been going through some tough things, but what doesnt kill you, makes you stronger. I believe that applies to me and her. Every night, I lay in my bed, and I fall asleep thinking about her. Then I dream about her. The first thing that pops into my head when I wake up every morning is her face. 24 hours a day, I am thinking about her. I have butterflies all day.
The crazy thing is, this is not an exageration. Thats actually what goes through my head all day. I cherish and adore her like nobody ever will. When were not together, i miss her. When were together right before im about to leave her for the night, the only thing going through my mind is that i dont wanna leave and how im going to miss her. She doesnt believe a lot of the things I tell her. I dont think she really realizes how much she means to me, and how much I care about her and what she does to me. These past 6 months with her have been the best times of my life. I really mean that. No matter how hard it gets with her, I know that she loves me and she knows that I love her. I cant wait for the day when me and her can just be happy together and not have to worry about anything. That will be the day. I am not going to throw away true love for no reason. True love means youll stick by each other no matter how hard shit gets. Thats what we always do. She has 100% of my heart. She owns it. Okay, I think I have said enough.
I guess this pretty much wraps up everything i've needed to get off of my chest.
bye.
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[26 Feb 2007|08:14pm] |
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| wage slaves........ |
[10 Jan 2007|07:52am] |
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music |
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all shall perish |
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whats up live journal world? oh shit. i havent written in this thing in almost a year. with good reason. life is a lot different then it used to be. everything from the people i hang out with, to the way i think is pretty much completeley different. i dont really rely on people anymore like i used to. i figured if people are good enough to just toss me out of their lives i dont need anyone but myself, and my guitar. im starting to feel like no one is worth letting into my heart or just my life as a permanent fixture. i guess i am just one of those people who is easy to judge based on the amount of pot he smokes. or the amound of fun he likes to have. i guess that makes me terrible or something. this is a shoutout to some of my old friends. actually, ill just say it. nick roels and danny b, you both disgust me. ill tell you why. danny, i was friends with you for how long buddy. a pretty long time right? how tight were we? pretty long time. you ALWAYS got on my ass about everything i did. you always got on my ass about how i spend too much time with my girlfriend. how i do this. how i do that. now you dont talk to me because you think im a drug addict because i smoke pot. you got me into smoking. you were the first person i ever did it with. now you dont talk to me anymore because i still smoke it. you never complained about it when you would go camping with your brother and get all fucked up and shit. it was sooo cool back then, buddy. but now you wont even give someone the time of day for something you got them into. what else doesnt make sense it that you always gave me so much shit for being with jessica all the time. now look at you. youre probably more tied down then i have ever been, pal. looks like you need to examine yourself a little bit. youre not above everyone like you think. or whatever goes on in your head. i dont know. fuck it youre a lost cause basically. nick, youre basically the samething as danny minus the being a dickhead part. how are you gonna stop talking to people because they smoke a plant that comes out of the ground? but yet you like to go back and chug a couple brews. beer is as much of a drug as pot is. think about it. you hear about a lot more drunk driving accidents then you do accidents because of someone smoking pot. you hear of a lot more alchoholics then people letting pot ruin their lives. infact i dont know one stoner who is over 30 who has let pot ruin their life. it just doesnt happen. so whatever. youre fucked. oh yeah, there is one more person. jessica, yesterday i found your picture in my wallet. its been there since september 23rd.
i have so many questions about you its crazy. i still wonder about you pretty much everyday. i pretty much figured out why you broke my heart. but i still feel used. you played off of my emotions for a year, then spit me right back out. its taken me nearly a whole year to fall out of love with you. and ill probably never be completeley out of it. i will probably never get rid of your clothes, christmas gifts, notes, anything you gave me in that year. i will keep all of it in the box you gave me. you probably dont remember but you made me a box to put all of the stuff you gave me in it. ive considered burning it, but i wont and never will because i want to keep all of that shit as memories for the rest of my life. you did fuck me over and hurt me really bad and never really stopped doing it. you make a lot of mistakes. basically i think youre a fuck up. but its sad because i feel bad for you. in a way i guess i am still here for you. but youre out of my life fully. i havent talked to you in months. i dont even know if youre alive. well whatever. i basically totalled my taurus the other day im lucky to be alive. ha, this is way too long now so im done. peace livejournal.
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[14 Apr 2006|09:02am] |
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have a good spring break everybody. be safe and have fun. see you guys in about 2 weeks. i love you guys.
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[14 Feb 2006|11:26pm] |
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i love you.
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[14 Feb 2006|07:44pm] |
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music |
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as cities burn. |
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My life has taken a turn for the worst. i dont know what to do with myself. i have never felt like this. any thing close to it. the pain i am feeling right now is so fucking crazy. it feels like my heart is on my stomach. how can you say so many positive things, so many things that mean so much to a person. and throw them away for reason. i had almost all of my first's with you. you were my world. my everything. now i feel like its all gone even thought you say its not. i dont know what youre thinking. how youre feeling. whats going on? all i want to do is get inside of your head and crawl around and see what youre thinking. why youre doing the things youre doing. they hurt so bad. i try shaking you to wake you up. but it doesnt work. i dont think i can function in my life like this. as strong as im trying to be. its so hard be strong when you feel like the person that means the most to you hurts you like this. with no regard for your feelings. i dont get it. we had a few things to work on. but what couple doesnt when all they wanna do is grow together and learn together and grow with each other. whatever happened to you wanting to grow up with me? wanting to learn about each other as we got older. this wouldnt hurt so much if i had the slightest feeling that you care. its not even the thought of being by myself. ive been by myself a lot before. and it didnt bother me. but being without. knowing i cant feel the most comfortable when im with you. inside of your house. being with you. and your family. that meant the world to me and all of it is fucking gone. i wasted a whole year on you. i put so much of myself into this. and its gone. its not like im 14 or 15 in middle school anymore. im almost 18 years old. i know how i feel. i knew it was something real. but one thing that makes me happy, is that i just want you to be happy. thats how much i love you. i just want you to be happy. so whatever you do, make sure you are happy. i love you.
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[12 Feb 2006|01:29pm] |
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i dont know about you. i hate fat scene girls who listen to panic at the disco. i pretty much hate fat scene girls period. and most scene ppl period. god fuck people.
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[05 Feb 2006|11:20am] |
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[01 Feb 2006|04:23pm] |
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happy birthday asshole ex best friend.
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| lolz look!.... |
[18 Dec 2005|11:30pm] |
so i came across something today that describes how i feel about people and things around here these days.
"I went to the show tonight, the show where that asecondtoolate cover band played, with special guest Dragonforce. It was soooooooo cool. My mom dropped me off. I'm really glad she decided to drive me because my hair looked really good today. I haven't washed it since last Thursday and it's really starting to look great. I can run my fingers through it and it will stand straight up. And that haircut I gave myself really looks good. I don't know what that guy was talking about, it doesn't look like I got caught in a lawn mower. What is that supposed to mean, anyway?
Luckily, my friend that had paid to get in was standing outside when I got there. She licked her hand and smudged some ink on mine so I didn't have to pay the cover.
I wore my A Fallacy for the Falling tshirt today and the tightest pants I could find, so the cute guitar player would notice me. I think he did, I saw him looking at me when I was rocking the mosh. I loooove two stepping. Sometimes, I practice in front of the mirror, just to make sure my technique is right. I don't know why people say girls can't hardcore dance. I'm good at it. I came up with this new move where I thrust my hips forward with the music and make it look like someone's sucking my dick. It's so appropriate and totally the cool new thing to do. Everyone was doing it. I hope I started a trend.
I love getting in fights, too. When I'm rocking the mosh, I make sure to roll up my sleeves and puff out my chest. No one better two step too close to me or I might start spin kicking them. I love spin kicking. I love the way it makes my hair look. That's really the only reason I go to shows these days.
I don't go for the bands, or the music, it's basically just a fashion show. My lack of creativity drives me there every week. Because I'm sure not driving myself! It's all about scene points these days, I'm really racking them up. The guys in A Sundial even let me watch their merch table today. I really make myself sick sometimes.
I would like to say that the good outweighs the bad, but uh, it's pushing to the point where it's not even close. There's no sincerity. There's no real heart. There's no appreciation, even. Queen of a scene I'm fucking ashamed to be a part of."
yeah, i love it.
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[17 Nov 2005|09:17pm] |
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does anyone wanna play bass with my new band with danny lance and nick? yeah didnt think so.
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| im in a really mushy mood. |
[07 Nov 2005|01:57am] |
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i would just like to tell you all how in love with my girlfriend that i am. you all have no idea. you have heard of love before. but this is more then that. jessica. i love you so much its crazy. be with me forever<3
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[05 Nov 2005|11:13pm] |
"HARDCORE DANCING IS LIFE"
can you say fake? lolz
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| ummm |
[30 Oct 2005|06:04pm] |
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im taking my road test this week. and i have no clue where to take it. can someone recomend me a place and a person to request that isnt too picky. if you did, like omg id give you a sucker. but probably not. help me out. thank you.
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[12 Oct 2005|08:00pm] |
today i realized how much i still love thursday.
the end.
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[12 Oct 2005|06:26pm] |
is so glad youre not in my life my life anymore. do me a favor and stay out for good ok? im happier this way. ok bye.
ps. does anybody wanna start a little band?
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[08 Oct 2005|03:18pm] |
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guitar player anyone?
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[29 Aug 2005|06:47pm] |
www.myspace.com/forthefew
yeah the new song is on it.
listen.
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[26 Aug 2005|11:05am] |
i got a cell phone the other day. the number is 1-586-817-1632.
if you have a cell phone. comment and give me your number.
if not thats cool too i guess. if youre some immature little fag dont be calling me on tho acting like an idiot please.
oh yeah. the bands recording right now. and it sounds really really really good. were not saying were going to record. we actually are. im not sure when well have shit up. but it will be decently soon. oh yeah and our show sept. 3rd got pushed back to sometime in october because the kids a fuck brain. i dont know when in october but yeah. k bye.
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[09 Aug 2005|11:09pm] |
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ok so we most def. have a show sept. 3rd at the lions club at 15 and utica, so far the other bands are triple play asundial, and adorah. and other really good bands have yet to be confirmed. like astl, as dawn falls, inmost fear etc.. so like yeah, you all need to come and watch us. ill give you free hugs. but not really.
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